Everybody Talks Too Much

I have had a few people reach out to me in the last week about how lonely they feel.

Each person is what I would call woke. They are highly awake and consciously aware of the world and what is going on around them. They see other people and wonder how they can’t be like that too, so when they spend time with them they either have a tendency to say things that others might find offensive or stay at home and be alone.

This is common when you work on yourself. It’s as though the lights are on all the time for you, but others are in the dark. You care, so you want to flip on the light switch so they can see too, they but look at you like you’re crazy because they don’t even see a light switch at all.

You find yourself spending more and more time alone because of this. It’s out of protection. You have to preserve your energy for you and not put it out there on others who are not ready to receive it.

The more you work on yourself, the less tolerance you have for people who talk for the sake of talking. It’s amazing how much people talk and say nothing. Absolutely nothing!

I’m a good listener, so I have sat in rooms with people and asked questions, basically taken an interest in those I am spending time with, and it is amazing how little people say. Surface bs where I have no clue what they stand for, what they are passionate about or what drives them as a person.

Quite frankly, it’s exhausting. Hearing the constant chatter but not having a “real” conversation. What is that? I see most people as 5 year old children now. You can see so clearly how they didn’t get the attention they wanted. It’s like you are in a room with a bunch of kids having temper tantrums.

So, I don’t go out much anymore. I don’t go to parties, happy hours or anything I am invited to, unless it’s with someone I find authentic. I have done this way before the current pandemic situation. I would rather spend time with my kids, my sister or myself, than anyone.

If you’re awake and feel like you are all alone, you’re not. Every now and then we need a reminder of that. Cause it gets tough. Just remember that it doesn’t matter if anyone else gets you, you get you, and that’s all that really matters.

Love

Can we define love with words or is it merely something we just feel?

I might say I love you, but do I really mean it? Do my actions show it?

For me, love is actions. Words are just words. Sure, they can help heal and they can seemingly lift someone up, but if there are no actions or sincerity behind the words, then they can hurt, because they are empty.

Love gives credit where credit is due, it doesn’t take the credit when it had nothing to do with it.

Love honors those in it’s life, it doesn’t dishonor or disparage them.

Love is constant, not ever-changing, depending on who is in the room.

Love is a problem solver, not a creator of them.

Love sets about making changes when someone isn’t happy, it doesn’t press the reset button and pretend all is well.

Love is having someone’s back, not stabbing them in it.

Love has its own words, it doesn’t need to take anyone else’s.

Love is authentic, it’s not a charlatan.

Love is talking someone up, not talking down to them.

Love is generous, because the opposite is stingy, and love doesn’t know how to do that.

Love is unconditional, not overwrought with them.

Love is constant, not lukewarm, cold or calculating.

Love is too busy guarding those it loves to be guarded.

Love is free, so there is no need to worry that are you ever giving too much of it, unless you are not getting it in return.

Love listens with an attentive ear, it doesn’t pretend it didn’t hear you.

Love protects the people in it’s life, it doesn’t hurt them.

Love treats you with respect because it demands the same for itself.

Love is truthful, not filled with half truths or outright lies.

Love keeps its promises, it doesn’t break them.

Love meets you half way, because there is no other distance.

Love is selfless, not self-serving.

Love is being empathetic, not narcissistic.

Love knows when it is loved because it is a feeling of utter joy, contentment and total acceptance of what it is. Anything that pretends to be otherwise, is control.

Love is the most beautiful emotion in the world. Love does everything for everyone, no matter who they are, what they are, what they do for a living, how much money they make or what they look like.

When you live without love you suffer. For some of us it is not by choice. We may have thought we met someone who loved us, only to realize it was never really love, it was something far more insidious.

We may have been hurt by them so deeply, we don’t know if we will ever recover. We may even blame ourselves for allowing them into our lives. How could we have been so fooled? How could we have been so wrong?

The answer is simple once you figure it out, but it doesn’t come without pain. It’s a horrible and cruel lesson to be sure. But one that is necessary if you want the kind of love I just described.You have to love yourself first. You cannot look outside of yourself for love, because you will only attract people who love themselves even less; in a word, they are called narcissists.

So here’s to Love! May we all experience the fairy tale love that Disney movies are made of. Cause if you’re reading this, you deserve it! Remember, it all starts with you loving you!

What Is A Fool?

Back in the day if you were a a court jester or fool, you were also the member of the household of a nobleman or a monarch employed to entertain guests. If you were exceptional at being a fool, you were taken very well care of. If not…well, “off with his head” probably got thrown around a bit.

Nowadays a fool is simply someone who lacks judgment.

But what of this song? It’s zippy and fun, but there is a line that says, “Dreams aren’t found, they’re made.”

It is a fool who does not go after their dreams. A fool sits idly by while others do, and they curse themselves for having not done anything about what they want. A fool will sit back and talk about the “what ifs” instead of getting off of their butts and taking a chance.

A fool thinks they have all of the time in the world, too. “I need not worry now. There’s always tomorrow.” And then tomorrow comes and they think of another excuse. Fools assume a lot too. They think because something didn’t work out one time, it most definitely won’t work out again, so they give up on even trying. Can you image if all of the people who have invented things we use today thought that way?

Don’t be a fool!

Promises

A promise: an assurance to someone that one will definitely do, give, or arrange something; undertake or declare that something will happen.

Are you keeping promises? Not ones to other people, but the ones you make to yourself?

The one where you said, “I won’t give my heart to anyone who doesn’t give their heart in return?”

The one that said, “I won’t commit to anything unless it resonates 100% with who I am?”

How about the promise that said, “I won’t repeat what my parents did, because it didn’t do a whole hell of a lot for me?”

Are you keeping your promises? Because if you aren’t, then you are simply repeating a pattern and a program that was given to you by whoever raised you. And if you have children, you will simply perpetuate these patterns and programs onto them, until a brave soul (usually referred to as decides it’s time for change.

In order to raise our vibration and live our lives to the fullest and most joyful place possible, we have to stay true to ourselves and the inner voice that is always trying to lead us to happiness.

It is never too late to make a promise to the little kid inside of you. But the first step is recognizing that you are missing something and instead of continuing to look for it outside of yourself, you go within to find the answers.

Make a promise to yourself that this year will be different.

You’re Nobody!

till somebody loves you!

You didn’t think I thought you were nobody did you? Everybody is somebody! But there is something about having someone who loves you, to share your life with. Somehow we feel more at ease in the world, more at peace.

Unless of course you are in a tumultuous relationship, and then being by yourself is all you can think about!

But does being with someone make us feel more special? Validate us somehow? Like if we are not with someone, people think there is something wrong with us. And then there are those couples you see and you think something must be wrong with one of them, because you just don’t get their connection.

The funny thing with love, is that no one has to understand it, but the two people who are in love.

I remember this friend of mine years ago who was from South Africa. Her and I used to lament over not having somebody in our life. She always said, “Every pot has a lid.” I created a company around the restaurant scene and all of the amazing nuances that have to do with life, so I think it’s a most fitting way to describe relationships.

Sometimes we see a crock pot with a Le Creuset and can’t for the life of us figure out how that fits together. Other times we see two Duparquet pans and while they might look fantastic together, they look miserable as hell when they look at each other.

But at the end of the day, I think the real reason somebody stays with somebody else has nothing to do with pots, lids, or blenders. It has to do with admiration. Not adoration, not advancement, adventurism, adaptability, advantageousness, adequateness, adjustability, adaptedness, I could go on here, but I think you get the point.

Most people might say they admire someone in a position of power or someone well known, but is that really admiration or being impressed with someone? There is a difference! And, you might find if you met them, they weren’t anyone you would admire at all. It might just be a persona.

Admiration. Think about it. If you admire at least one quality in a partner, you have a pretty amazing chance at making it as a couple. Think about all the relationships you have had romantically. Did you admire them or was it something else that brought you together?

Perhaps the song is right. You’re nobody till somebody loves you. But it’s better to be a nobody, then to be with anyone who doesn’t admire you. I say aim for the stars, and let those who get this, bring them to you.

To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind.”

-Alfredo La Mont-

Waiting

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

WAITING

the action of staying where one is or delaying action until a particular time or until something else happens.

My father is always waiting for a time on the clock called, “when this happens” in order for him to take action.  And despite his intelligence, he has yet to realize it will never come to fruition, never come to pass, never be. Not now, not never, because it does not exist.

I’ve known this truth for awhile, and yet he still tells me the same story.  He’s rehearsed his lines well, I will give him that, but he hasn’t taken into account that I’m not that teenage girl who used to believe them, believe him.

Oddly enough, in spite of the fact that I am no longer waiting, which is abundantly obvious by my lack of communication with him, he still is. I think that he thinks he has a contract with God/Spirit that says he has unlimited days to right wrongs or make things happen and that my love has no expiration date.

He is right about that; my love for him not expiring, but a person can only be disappointed so many times before they realize the source they gave so much to gave so little in return so they were left with no other choice than to stop.

His clock will never reach “when this happens” and therefore our clocks do not synchronize. This time he waits for is simply a lie he tells himself, because it makes him feel better about the excuses he continues to make that keep him safe, in a world of his own making called “When This Happens.”

“When ____ happens, I can visit more.” “When ___ happens, it will be a good time for you to visit me.”  “When ___ happens, we can all get together for a holiday.” “When ___happens, I’ll finish my book.”

The book! He’s been writing it for years! It’s an incredible story and he has it all up in his head. I think four pages may have made it to page. “It has to be perfect.” He told me last time he was here. To which I replied, “Perfection does not exist. Because perfection is being entirely without fault or defect which nothing is.”

In his non action he is not only denying his time to things and people he cares about, but ultimately he is denying himself.

When I see someone waiting for the “perfect time” I see a fearful person. It’s so much easier and fun to fantasize about a life you “could” have, rather than actually taking action to see if it is a possibility. So the perfect timing becomes the perfect fantasy, where judgement, sadness, frustration, ridicule, rejection and pain do not exist.

There will never be a time of “when this happens” to fulfill your dreams. This simply means you have given over your power to outside circumstances to which you have absolutely no control over. And while you wait for “when this happens” other people “makes things happen” and live a life of their dreams.

Situations may not be perfect; in fact they may be uncomfortable, frightening and discouraging, but when we want something, there should be nothing that stands in our way, unless of course it’s illegal. Everything else…is on the table.

What are you waiting for?

Is it the perfect time? (No such thing as perfect!) The right circumstance? (Giving your power away). The quarantine to end? (At this point…) More money? (How much is enough or is this just another excuse) For it to be 80 degrees, no wind and just the right amount of humidity? (Sounds ideal, but I bet you’d find something wrong with that scenario too) For the best equipment to take those photos, make that film, write that memoir? (All excuses to not take a leap of faith and trust in yourself) To lose those 20 pounds, a toned body or your hair to get a certain length? (Does any of that really matter? You are who you are the way you are-learn to love you)

WTF? What’s with the waiting? Just go for it already! It’s a new year-do something different!

Blinded by the Lights

Every so often a person comes along in our lives and we feel an ignition in our hearts. An engagement of sorts, where we pause and say, “Hold the phone! What the heck is this I am feeling?” It could be where your eyes meet and its as though no one else is around. Like you get lost in time when they speak to you. Or maybe they touch your arm or hand and you feel a wave of energy pass through your body. Some people call this a Twin Flame connection, but I like to think of it as your souls recognition of another soul it has met before, like in another life time.

Somehow through all of your adventures, all of the places you have lived and all of the people who may have dated or even married, you meet this person and it never seems to be under the right circumstance.

This connection is so rare, you cannot explain to anyone how you feel or what is happening to you because it is not logical. You might have dreams about this person, see their name everywhere to alert you to the connection and yet you cannot logically understand why you are being drawn to them. But your soul knows something you don’t and so you just trust the feelings because ignoring them doesn’t work.

We all search for what we call “the one” and can’t seem to find it, him, her, anywhere. We might date a hundred people, be on every dating website there is, and still they elude us.

Sometimes we get in a committed relationship like marriage with who we think is our souls calling, only to find out that person was a wake up call to our soul alright, but to alert us that we loved ourselves so little, we put someone else’s needs ahead of our own and wound up feeling discarded, abandoned and sometimes even abused. It seems the more of the initial chemistry we have with someone, which we translate to great sex, the more we have unhealed childhood wounds. And once the sex becomes transactional, much like the person we have committed to, the relationship is doomed.

Chemistry and your souls calling are not the same. Chemistry is short lived, like an experiment in a lab. If you mix two wrong ingredients together there could be an explosion, pretty much like a couple that gets to the point where they despise one another and do heinous things they never thought possible.

But when you do meet “the one” you are so blinded by the lights, or your ego which tries to talk you out of it, that you give up on this rare connection because the person you have been praying for, doesn’t fit the mold. They aren’t your type, they have a job you don’t approve of, a family that’s crazy, the list goes on and on. The ego is very savvy and will give you list upon list as to why something won’t ever work.

But love in its purest form, is home with another person. It is safety, stability and never having to question what the other person is doing because they have given you no reason to not trust them. This soul connection stays with you no matter how hard you try to out run it and it begs you to ask yourself one simple question, “What am I so afraid of?”

As the year comes to a close, perhaps you will take a moment and think about all of the people you know. Is there someone you may have taken for granted, cast aside or completely ignored, that maybe needs another look. Have you been so blinded by your ideal image of what your partner looks like or does for a living, that you have discounted someone who could be your forever happy?

This is a great time to do an inventory of the people in our lives. The habits we have been keeping, the people we have been keeping company with and the things that didn’t serve us for the past year. I like to write everything down on a piece of paper and throw it in a fire as I jump over it, symbolizing my letting go of what no longer serves me and what I do not care to bring with me in the new year.

Whatever your traditions are on New Years, make one of them where you will give everyone who wants to give you a chance, a chance in return. You never know! Everyone is worth at least five minutes of your time.

Don’t be the person who says, “I should have, I could have, I would have, blah blah blah!” And for God’s sake, don’t be afraid to be in love.

Drama

A play for theater, radio, or television.

And then there’s this kind of drama: an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances.

Some of us are drawn to the second type of drama. Perhaps it’s a part of ourselves that never got to play roles in a drama club, so we create them in real time. Maybe we think our  lives are boring by comparison, so we feel the need to do something, anything, to feel a jolt of excitement.

The problem with creating drama is that others get hurt. They are often unaware of your deep seeded need to feel excitement. But let’s be real. If you are seeking drama, what you are really yearning for is attention. It’s why actors do plays or any job for that matter. But when you seek attention outside of the entertainment industry, others pay the price with their heart.

Think about it.  How many times have you created drama that didn’t involve other people? People unaware of your own insecurities which are usually masked pretty astutely by some type of character you play. As a matter of fact, you play the part so well, you can’t even come out of character anymore.

When faced with real feelings you might be the person who isn’t available. When faced with a challenge you become the character who runs away. Or when things don’t go your way you become embroiled in bitterness and start to plan your revenge. Maybe you refuse to accept what is, so you lash out at others, instead of battling the demons inside of yourself.

The first thing to do when realizing you are drawn to drama, is realize you are drawn to drama. Own it. It’s okay. We all have our shit. Accept this part of yourself that needs attention and then ask it why and wait for an answer. What is it you are seeking from others that you cannot give to yourself? It probably has something to do with love.

Lack of love can do a real number on us. It can create unhealthy patterns in our lives that are doomed to be repeated until we take a look within. We can be afraid to stand up for ourselves, even when we know what is being asked of us is not something we want to do. It can hinder our ability to go after our dreams because we don’t believe we are worthy of them coming true. Perhaps the most ironic thing about lack of love for ourselves, can be our inability to accept love from others, so we create drama to keep people away.

Understand this about drama. On film, in the theatre or in books it has its purpose.  Playing it out in your day to day life can only hurt others and ultimately hurts you.

What is Your Calling?

a strong urge toward a particular way of life or career; a vocation.

While we are all at home now, there really isn’t a better time to explore your calling. And while you may not be able to jump all in (whether that is just your perception or not), you can take steps towards that which excites you, without overwhelming yourself.

I’m not sure what my calling is, but I do follow inner promptings (some might say this is spirit poking me) towards things that I am intrigued by.

I just finished a three day class on Meditation. I have always sat quietly with my thoughts, but never learned ways to get rid of the thoughts and go to a deeper place called samadhi. Funny thing is, I was exhausted from it! I literally fell into bed every night and then had the most vivid dreams.

I will continue with the practice because I enjoyed learning about it so much and have already looked into a class called yoga nidra. I have also thought about learning to teach yoga to incorporate all of this, but it could just be something that I think about and never do.

I am not bothered at all by this quarantine but that’s because I like being alone and home. I also like being around others and going places but down time allows me to think about what really matters most to me and how to go about doing it.

I am finally going to learn French because I keep getting reminder emails from Duo and Paris is my absolute favorite place. I have my course in Faster EFT that needs to be completed in order for me to move to level 2 and my oldest son and I started a screen play last summer that we need to finish. Believe it or not I still get auditions! Voice over recordings I do on my phone and self tapes I do in my make-shift home studio.

As you can see, I am not a person that is without things to do. I do create them though! It is my nature to do so, but I know that some people struggle with all of this time and isolation that they have been given and are having a hard time being home.

If you are one of those, then you might want to ask yourself why that is. Do you always feel the need to be around others? Are you trying to escape something? Someone? Maybe it’s you! Maybe you are afraid to look within and ask yourself what it is you truly want.

This time is really a gift. And while you must take precautions so that you don’t put yourself at risk or those you love, it doesn’t mean you have to stop living. In fact, if you are a person who has been putting off things you always talked about doing, now is the perfect time to start doing them.

There really is no excuse to not take this time for you. Allow yourself this moment to figure out what you want. And if you aren’t sure what that is, we have an incredible resource available to us called our imagination. You can tap into it at any time. And it’s free!

What is your calling? What lights you up? Excites you? Intrigues you? Brings you passion? Brings a smile to your face just thinking about it? Once you get an idea, take a few small steps in that direction. It may be as simple as making a list.

Need some inspiration to help you get started? I like to sit out in nature. I listen to the birds. I cheat and buy food for them so I always have them in my yard. Music is a great motivator. Put on a good tune and dance. Put on a sad one and cry. If you have a computer draft a book. Maybe you only get one line down. Keep coming back to it. We all have a story to tell. Paint! Paint by numbers are good. If you can, buy one on line. Do a puzzle.

This is not the time to be depressed. It’s a time to relish. We have been gifted this time because it was much needed. It is horrendous that it had to come the way it did, but it is here, so you have two choices. You can keep all the changes or surrender to them.

I choose surrender! It’s easier, much more calming and allows my mind to take a much needed break from all of its processing.

What is your calling?

Are you going to answer or pretend you don’t hear it? Are you going to stay angry? Live in fear?

There has never been a better or more opportune time to go within, because you simply aren’t allowed to go out anymore else.

Trusting Your Body

In the past week I severed ties with my manager who was supposed to be helping me with my career. There have been a few times in the past year where I ignored the feeling in my body that said, “This doesn’t feel right” or “I shouldn’t do this”, but old habits die hard I guess, so I went out for jobs that I didn’t even want just to make her happy.

To be honest, I don’t even need a manager and I guess I figured that out midway through our partnership. I was excited that she wanted me on her roster, since she was just starting up in this arena.

Funny isn’t it! No matter how old we get, we still want to be the kid who gets picked. We want to be the person people flock over to at a cocktail party. The one that tells interesting stories everyone wants to hear, and the one that people clamor over to when they see them in a grocery store.

I was never that kid, I was the one who always wanted to be chosen but rarely was. It was the best day ever in 6th grade, when Jenny wanted you to sit next to her at the lunch table The worst, when she didn’t even notice you were there. Which is how I have felt with many people throughout my life, including my manager.

My relationship with her was ridiculous. I know I have talent. She however, liked to pick apart my audition tapes, which I didn’t feel was her job as a manger. It was to build me up. And while she would say the acting was good, she would go on and say something about the camera angle, the way I was sitting, not being able to hear me too well, so maybe I wanted to invest in a mic.

I’m an actress, not a camera man! She already said the acting was good, so my job was done. But with her, it wasn’t. She was the job! I see that now that I have quit her. I remember the Zoom calls where all of the young girls were oohing and ahhing over her. She just sopped it up like garlic bread to tomato sauce.

During the pandemic I was one of 50 people chosen out of the 16,000 who entered audition tapes to a famous Casting Director. I received an email about my win from my manager, but she didn’t tell me this amazing news, until she berated me for three paragraphs about how I didn’t check in with her enough.

So this past week when I nailed an audition and was booked for a job that shot in Boston, I was elated. But then the emails started coming in about how I had to travel over 3 hours there and back by train because they didn’t want to pay for a plane ticket. I was then expected to get a covid test, which had not been mentioned prior. I looked at the time I was due to come home after shooting probably a 12 hour day, and I wouldn’t get home until 1am. What the job paid after she took her 20%, well, what I was giving versus what I was receiving was ridiculous.

By the way, flying and the train to Boston are almost the same price. Acting has never been about money for me either. What acting is, is about talent, transparency and honoring the people you work with and for. I didn’t see the honor or transparency in any of this job. Just me rehearsing a lot of lines, traveling on a train for many hours and working 12 hours and then getting on a train afterwards and traveling another 4 hours home.

In short, I was the kid who Jenny dissed because it made her feel good to do so. I was the one doing all the work, while she sat there trying to tell me how lucky I was to be booking something and that everyone else who worked for her would be happy to do. So….why aren’t they then? Because they don’t have the talent!

I could see that this was becoming a pattern. Me accepting less than what I know I deserve, but having a manger who was perpetuating this, didn’t help it at all. It just made me question my worth, like I had no right to ask for the bare minimum, like the facts of the shoot before I decided to say yes to it.

I literally felt sick to my stomach about the job, instead of elation. Which got me thinking, why don’t we listen to our bodies more? They never lie. They tell us when we don’t feel well, when we feel like you are being scammed, lied to, disrespected, not admired and when someone is disparaging us.

Be mindful of who you are giving your attention to. The minute your body tries to tell you something doesn’t feel right, trust it. It knows. It always knows!