Waiting

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WAITING

the action of staying where one is or delaying action until a particular time or until something else happens.

My father is always waiting for a time on the clock called, “when this happens” in order for him to take action.  And despite his intelligence, he has yet to realize it will never come to fruition, never come to pass, never be. Not now, not never, because it does not exist.

I’ve known this truth for awhile, and yet he still tells me the same story.  He’s rehearsed his lines well, I will give him that, but he hasn’t taken into account that I’m not that teenage girl who used to believe them, believe him.

Oddly enough, in spite of the fact that I am no longer waiting, which is abundantly obvious by my lack of communication with him, he still is. I think that he thinks he has a contract with God/Spirit that says he has unlimited days to right wrongs or make things happen and that my love has no expiration date.

He is right about that; my love for him not expiring, but a person can only be disappointed so many times before they realize the source they gave so much to gave so little in return so they were left with no other choice than to stop.

His clock will never reach “when this happens” and therefore our clocks do not synchronize. This time he waits for is simply a lie he tells himself, because it makes him feel better about the excuses he continues to make that keep him safe, in a world of his own making called “When This Happens.”

“When ____ happens, I can visit more.” “When ___ happens, it will be a good time for you to visit me.”  “When ___ happens, we can all get together for a holiday.” “When ___happens, I’ll finish my book.”

The book! He’s been writing it for years! It’s an incredible story and he has it all up in his head. I think four pages may have made it to page. “It has to be perfect.” He told me last time he was here. To which I replied, “Perfection does not exist. Because perfection is being entirely without fault or defect which nothing is.”

In his non action he is not only denying his time to things and people he cares about, but ultimately he is denying himself.

When I see someone waiting for the “perfect time” I see a fearful person. It’s so much easier and fun to fantasize about a life you “could” have, rather than actually taking action to see if it is a possibility. So the perfect timing becomes the perfect fantasy, where judgement, sadness, frustration, ridicule, rejection and pain do not exist.

There will never be a time of “when this happens” to fulfill your dreams. This simply means you have given over your power to outside circumstances to which you have absolutely no control over. And while you wait for “when this happens” other people “makes things happen” and live a life of their dreams.

Situations may not be perfect; in fact they may be uncomfortable, frightening and discouraging, but when we want something, there should be nothing that stands in our way, unless of course it’s illegal. Everything else…is on the table.

What are you waiting for?

Is it the perfect time? (No such thing as perfect!) The right circumstance? (Giving your power away). The quarantine to end? (At this point…) More money? (How much is enough or is this just another excuse) For it to be 80 degrees, no wind and just the right amount of humidity? (Sounds ideal, but I bet you’d find something wrong with that scenario too) For the best equipment to take those photos, make that film, write that memoir? (All excuses to not take a leap of faith and trust in yourself) To lose those 20 pounds, a toned body or your hair to get a certain length? (Does any of that really matter? You are who you are the way you are-learn to love you)

WTF? What’s with the waiting? Just go for it already! It’s a new year-do something different!

Published by helenjeanettemalzahn

I am a former restaurant owner who has been on a spiritual journey for over 11 years. This blog was created for anyone looking for answers or inspiration.

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